So, I’m standing in line at Kohl’s. It’s Christmas shopping time and the line is VERY long. There’s a nice mother and adult daughter standing in line in front of me. Corben is by my side, we’re just standing there. Mother & daughter are sharing polite conversation when suddenly….HICCUP!! It was the loudest most painful sounding hiccup I’d ever heard. The mom laughed but the daughter just hiccupped again. HICCUP!! Hold your breath, mom says. No luck…HICCUP!! No, you have to hold it longer than that and then drink some of your water. HICCUP!! I’m trying! says daughter. She downs her drink….HICCUP!! Corben stands back, watching & listening with only mild interest. He’s easily distracted by books on a nearby shelf. HICCUP!! Me, however, not so easily distracted…..her hiccups are driving me CRAZY!! Not because I don’t like the sound of hiccups but because, my very first instinct when she let out the 2nd…or maybe the 3rd one was….to SCARE THE LIVING HECK OUT OF HER. To some, it would have been a passing thought, if even a thought at all. But to ME (and my carefully controlled OCD tendencies) it was TORTURE! Here I am, a perfect stranger, perfectly placed in line behind her, only inches away. She’d never see it coming but would be oh so thankful for my thoughtful gesture….right? OR she’d scream, have a heart attack and take a swing at me….hmmmm. Still, the thought wouldn’t leave me. I even reached out my hand a couple of times to see if I could really do it. HICCUP!! I HAD to do it….but, really, was her hiccups any of my business? Should I get involved? No….yes….NO…..maybe…..HICCUP!!….YES….no…..in a minute…..I’m gonna do it…..no, I’m not….yes…no….HICCUP!!…..Why isn’t this line moving any faster?!….I realize I’m shaking with anticipation and have that funny feeling in my stomach…the kind when you’re kind of excited and nervous all at the same time….HICCUP!!…okay, I’m gonna do it….reaching out….maybe I shouldn’t…NO, I’M JUST GOING TO DO IT….oh, NOW the line moves….HICCUP!!….I laugh…mostly to myself but Corben stares at me funny….WHAT?, he says….Nothing, I state matter of factly….I’ll tell you later….
(over 5 minutes of torture later)
….Yes…….no…..JUST DO IT!…..what if she freaks out…..HICCUP!!….okay, do it anyway….you’re doing her a service!…….it’ll be funny! and it will work!!…HICCUP!!….everyone’s going to think you’re a nut and then you still have to stand in this line for another 10 minutes with all of them….and her….okay, maybe I’ll wait until just before she goes up….HICCUP…...waiting……HICCUP!!…waiting…HICCUP!!!…..waiting…HICCUP!!…..wwaaaaaiiiiiitttttiiiinnnngggg……okay, she’s next…..HICCUP!!….ready?….Ready??….Go! NO!!…wait….this was a stupid idea….I’m not this weird…………..well, okay, I am….BUT I don’t need EVERYONE to know…..right?
(She heads to the next register)
AAHHH….relief….
I realize as I’m called up to the adjacent register that my hands are still shaking and my voice is shaky too. I pay for my items and head for the door….only to almost run into…….HICCUP!!
I laugh out loud but pretend that it’s at something Corben and I were talking about….he stares at me funny….again. He’s kind of used to this sort of thing. I contemplate as we all walk to our cars “together” whether to tell her what I was GOING to do….Nah….she’ll probably just think I’m weird.
5 comments:
Just too funny!!! I would have HAD to tell them when I ran into them outside the store...that or hate myself the rest of the day...way too funny...been there, done that...ohhhh
i would have paid money to watch you scare the bejebbers out of her! that would have been hilarious!
Oh, man. That is HI-larious!! The thing is, I can see myself having the same inward debate. (We must both be weird, then.)
I would've wanted to as well, but I wouldn't have. The reason is my reaction to when I am scared. I scream, jump, and immediately hit the perpetrator. Would have given rise to a most uncomfortable, awkward moment. But surely she would've laughed, right?
note to self: do NOT hang around christy when you have the hiccups.
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